You Wear Tom’s Shoes

Would I bang a guy in Tom’s? Fuck no. Deal breaker. Sorry. And, it’s not just because they’re ugly fucking shoes.

I know you think you’re like helping the world because if you buy a pair then the company gives some kid in Africa a pair. Cool. I mean, you’re like so charitable and shit. Why don’t you give this African child a fucking meal or some clean drinking water or safe sex education, you twit?

Plus, I don’t like faux hippies. I don’t like real hippies but worse are the faux hippies. You think that just because you’re wearing Tom’s and you have one dread with a homemade bead that you’re some sort of New Age hippie for our generation. You’re not. Hippies were about peace and love and trying to garner change in a time of war and civil unrest. You’re wearing fucking Tom’s and taking pictures of fields of sunflowers with your Nikon whilst tweeting on your iPhone about how you’re gonna go home and make some homemade hummus.

Go take a shower, brush your hair and buy some proper shoes, asshole.

-Written by joellabella

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